Relationships

Isn’t a sexual attraction to only one person or only to those with whom you have a strong emotional bond referred to as demisexuality in some circles?

Yes, you’re exactly right. According to the Demisexual Resource Center:

Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond. Most demisexuals feel sexual attraction rarely compared to the general population, and some have little to no interest in sexual activity.

People who identify as demisexual might be attracted to people of the same gender, opposite/ other gender, or people of many genders. Demisexuality is not the same as asexuality.

How do I persuade a sexy girl to show me her naked body?

You should never try to persuade or push anyone to do anything (sexual or otherwise) that they don’t want to do. Consent and mutual respect are two of the most important things when it comes to being intimate, naked, or sexual with another person.

It’s important that both you and your partner feel ready and comfortable being naked, intimate, or sexual with each other and that neither of you feels pressured to do anything before you’re ready.

How do I deal with being the third wheel?

It can be really hard to feel left out or like you’re a “third wheel.” There’s no one great way to completely avoid this feeling, and it’s something that teens and adults all struggle with.

First, it’s important to remember that it’s okay to say no to social plans or activities that you really don’t want to be a part of. One of the best things about our friends is that we get to choose them– and friendships should feel good, fair, and supportive to BOTH people. One way to avoid being a third wheel is to (politely) decline to hang out with two other people if it makes you feel bad when you’re with them. It’s also okay to ask your friends for some one-on-one time.

If you genuinely enjoy hanging out with a couple or other friends but often feel like a third wheel, it’s really okay to speak up! Try talking with your friends about how you’re feeling. Let them know that you really like hanging out with them, but sometimes you feel left out or awkward when you’re together. They might not even realize you feel that way, and then the three of you can come up with ideas together to try make your time together feel better. Maybe you pick the activity, or you invite a fourth friend, or hang out in bigger groups.

As with all relationships, honest communication is important, and you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.

How do you kiss a boy when you are 8 years old and they like you and you like them?

It’s normal for young people to have feelings for other young people and there are many ways to show that you like someone, without becoming physical.  You could hang out together with other friends, sit together at lunch, share jokes — things you can do with other friends, under adult supervision.

If you are feeling like you want to be physical with someone, you should talk with a parent or another trusted adult. That person can help you understand your feelings, and help you make safe and healthy choices.

how do i get to know that my gf is a virgin?

There’s really only one way you get to know if your girlfriend is a virgin: you can ask her. But please only ask respectfully, and be okay with it if she doesn’t want to tell you. It’s a very personal question and NO ONE is obligated to tell another person about their sexual or personal lives.

Virginity means different things to different people, and because there are many different activities that can be considered “sex,” your definition and hers (and ours) might be different. This could be a good opportunity to have an open and honest conversation about sex, sexuality, and relationships. If you approach the conversation with respect and without judgment, you may both learn a lot about each other.

There’s no way to tell whether someone is a virgin through physical exams, by looking at their body, or by their behavior. While there is sometimes cultural meaning attached to virginity, it actually doesn’t mean anything– good or bad– about a person. It just means that they have or have not been sexually active before.

 

how do i get a boyfriend?

we specialize more in sexual health than in relationship advice!

our advice would be to connect with people you’re attracted to and are interested in spending time with (sounds like you like boys). get to know him and make sure he’s interested in getting to know you, too. if the two of you both enjoy spending time together and have romantic feelings towards each other, talk about whether you want to be in a relationship. make sure that you both tell each other what you want from a relationship and what you expect up front.

finally, it’s important that you remember that ANY partner should always respect your boundaries, your space, your other relationships (with friends and family), and doesn’t pressure you do do anything (sexually or otherwise) that you’re not comfortable with. healthy relationships are based on mutual respect and care for each other.

can you get pregnant if your vaginal wall isnt broken. me and my bf had tried something new and i thought he still had the condom on but it he didn’t. and i don’t know if it had gotten in side of me (if it can).

It’s a little hard to tell from your message exactly what happened, but we’ll give it a try!

Vaginal walls don’t typically “break”– they can tear during childbirth, or small abrasions (almost like scrapes) can happen during intercourse. These abrasions can make it easier to transmit STDs, though they wouldn’t have an impact on pregnancy.

The hymen (a small bit of skin that covers some or all of the vaginal opening) often tears, “breaks,” or stretches by the time a girl reaches her teens. It’s possible to have sex while the hymen is still there, and it can be torn or stretched as a result of sexual activity.

If semen (the fluid that comes out of the penis during orgasm/ ejaculation) gets inside of the vagina, pregnancy is possible. Condoms and birth control greatly reduce this risk. If no semen got on or inside of the vagina, there should not be a risk of pregnancy. It’s hard to know exactly what happened in your situation, but hopefully this information helps.

Finally, removing a condom or not putting a condom on when the other partner has asked you to wear one or believes that you are wearing one can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. You and your partner should always be clear on what you consent to and your boundaries; if a partner does not respect the activities you’ve consented to (including condom use), you may want to talk to an adult you trust, a provider at a Family Planning clinic, or other supportive professionals.

Please note that we answer website questions about once a week– if you ever need to hear from us sooner, try the text line, which we respond to within 24 hours. 

My boyfriend doesn’t nut every time we have sex.. is there something wrong? He’s had this problem for about two years.

It’s normal for people NOT to have an orgasm or ejaculate every time they have sex, regardless of their sex or gender. Our culture tells us that men always orgasm during sex, but that’s unrealistic and a gendered stereotype.

It’s only a problem or “something wrong” if your boyfriend is unhappy with this or if he has pain or discomfort that prevent orgasm/ ejaculation. If he’s frustrated or unhappy, the two of you should communicate about what feels good, what’s realistic, and how to make sure both of you are comfortable and no one feels pressured during sexual activity. If he has pain, he should see a health provider to rule out STDs or other health problems.  A Maine Family Planning clinic is a good place to start.

I have a girlfriend and i french kissed her. Are there dangers to kissing a girl?

Kissing is a relatively safe activity, and as long as both people consent (agree to kiss), it can be a nice way to be intimate with someone.

You CAN pass germs back and forth through kissing, and it’s very easy to pass certain illnesses like a cold, flu, strep throat, or mono through kissing. While herpes (cold sores) CAN be transmitted through kissing, HIV and other STDs can NOT be spread through kissing.

i have a girlfriend and i really like her and we have been together for about 2 months now and i get really hard when i talk to her. how do i tell her how i feel without her thinking that i’m weird?

we’re experts in sexual health and not necessarily in relationships. that said, if she’s been your girlfriend for two months, chances are that she really likes you, too.

in our experience, telling someone how you feel almost always means that you’re taking a chance and being vulnerable, because you’re being honest with your feelings and you can never know how another person will react. when someone means a lot to you (a girlfriend, a friend, a family member), it’s almost always worth being open with them about how you feel while also respecting however they might feel, as well. make sure you leave room for your girlfriend to be honest about how she feels, too, without putting pressure on her or dismissing her feelings.

 

how can you tell if you can be a good parent for your baby?

this is a big question and we don’t think there’s really one right answer. for those who are thinking about or planning to be a parent, some of the questions you may want to ask yourself are:

  • am i financially and emotionally ready to be a parent?  do i have the food, shelter, and other resources to keep myself and my child safe and healthy?
  • do i want to be a parent? am i ready? it’s completely possible to plan your family, whether you want to start in 1 year or 10. this is something that a provider at Maine Family Planning can help with.
  • do i have the support of my partner, family, and other loved ones? are there people i can count on to help me and support me throughout my pregnancy and as a parent?

starting a family is a really big deal, and it’s normal to worry about doing a good job. every parent would probably give you different advice. we think that a big part of being a good parent is that you do your best to love and support your child, to keep them safe, healthy, and educated, and to ask for help when you need it.

I’m a girl and I have never had an orgasm, how can I make that happen?

Most females need clitoral stimulation, (ie: rubbing or stroking of the clitoris) in order to have an orgasm (to come).  In the movies, it often seems like the woman comes after a few minutes of vaginal penetration, but in reality the cycle of arousal is much longer for women (around 30 or 40 minutes).  Let’s face it, the movie would have to be four hours long… Masturbation or self-touching is a way to get to know what your body responds to.  Communicate directly with your partner about what you like and don’t like.

I have a girlfriend and she and i have kissed. and when we did shes says that she felt “moist” what does she mean?

we can’t know exactly what your girlfriend meant by this– in the future, you should ask her if you have questions about how she feels or something she’s told you!

she may have been talking about the kiss itself (if it was sort of a wet kiss), or she may have been talking about the “moisture” that happens in the vagina when a female is turned on. either situation can be a normal part of kissing or being intimate.

So….. Recently My girlfriend and I made out and when we were making out she made me hold her leg up with my arm. Why do girls like that???

Different people like different things, and something that might feel good to one person might not feel good to another. The best way to find out what a particular girl (or any other person) likes something is to ask them.

My boyfriend thinks I’m having an orgasm, how can I tell him I’m not? I don’t want to offend him.

It’s important for partners to communicate directly with each other in order to have a mutually healthy and respectful relationship.  Some people find it’s easier to talk about these things when not in the middle of it, maybe while taking a walk, or talking on the phone.  He may be relieved to learn more about how to please you.  If he is offended, you may want to look closely at your relationship and decide if you feel respected by him.  You could also try this quiz about healthy relationships.

Why do people make fun of me because I’m emo?

It seems that there are people who would make fun of anyone for anything– especially if a person stands out as being different or expresses their individuality.

Making fun of someone is bullying and it is not okay. A lot of times, this kind of bullying comes from the bully’s own insecurities or lack of understanding about differences between people. Whatever the reason, if you ever feel unsafe or harassed because of bullying or “teasing,” you should talk to an adult you trust.

We hope you’ll keep being yourself.

My boyfriend assumes I like hanging out with his friends, but he never wants to hang with mine. It kind of bugs me, but I don’t know how to talk with him about it.

Some things can be hard to bring up with partners but honest, respectful communication is usually your best bet. You might try talking with your boyfriend when the two of you are alone and in a good place for a conversation. He may not be comfortable being around your friends, for whatever reason. Sharing how you feel about the friend situation and inviting him to do the same is a good way to begin the conversation.

So my girlfriend and I have been together for a while now, and she’s always wanted a kid even though we’re both young. I’m just turning 16 a couple of days ago and she’s been 15 since February. We use condoms when we have sex, but if she were to get pregnant accidentally what could her parents do? She’s against abortion and would want to keep it. I’d be happy as long as it’s with her, but I don’t know what her parents could do. Could they keep me from seeing her and the child? Would I not be allowed to be in either of their lives? I just need help. I’m always on my email so, get back whenever is most convenient to you. Thank you.

Because this service is anonymous, we can’t send you an email or contact you personally, so we hope you see our response here. If you (or anyone reading this) has questions and want a direct answer, please use our text line.

It sounds like you and your girlfriend have a good relationship and have thought about whether you want a family in the future. We’re glad you’re talking to each other and using condoms now. It can be very difficult to have a baby before finishing high school—it becomes more difficult to graduate and to find a job that pays well enough to support a family—so we encourage everyone (both teens and adults) to wait until they are in a stable relationship, have a secure job, and have finished their education before starting a family.

It would be a good idea for your girlfriend to come to a Maine Family Planning clinic to see if a more effective form of birth control would work for her (so that she doesn’t “accidentally” get pregnant)—all of our services are confidential and affordable.  We could also talk to her about thinking about having a family in the future and planning for that in the best way possible.

In terms of you and your girlfriend’s rights:

Your girlfriend’s parents can not legally force her to have an abortion or to place the baby for adoption (or to continue the pregnancy). That doesn’t mean that they can’t tell her what they would like her to do, and it doesn’t mean that they will support her (financially or otherwise) in raising a child.

If you and your girlfriend did have a child, you would have legal rights and responsibilities as the parents (including the responsibility to support the child to the best of your ability). If her parents attempted to prevent you from seeing the child, you could ask a court to order that you have the right to visit the child. The court would review the situation and make a decision based on what’s in the child’s best interest. This is probably not an ideal way to start a family, so again, we encourage you and your girlfriend to talk to a medical provider or an adult you trust about planning for a family once you’re older.

You can read more about teen parents’ rights here.

When I have sex it hurts—is that normal?

Ideally, vaginal, anal, and oral sex doesn’t hurt.  If it hurts it could mean a few things like not having enough lubrication, or that you aren’t aroused enough yet.  Try taking more time to become aroused and use a water-based lube.

However, when sex hurts it could be more serious.  It could be that you have an untreated STD.  See your health care provider to rule out any STD infections or other medical issues.

It could also be that you are not feeling ready to have sex.  If you are being pressured to have sex by someone but you’re not feeling ready, talk to someone and get help.

I’m a girl and I don’t really find boys attractive, does this mean I’m gay?

It may or it may notSexual orientation is complex and not necessarily black and white.  Some people know from an early age that they are gay, or that they are straight.  Others learn about their orientation over time.  The important thing is that you stay true to your feelings and don’t pressure yourself one way or the other.  Be patient and accept yourself however you turn out.

My dads gay, and him and his boyfriend told me their having a baby, is this true?

We don’t know your dad or his boyfriend, so we don’t know whether they are telling you the truth or not.

In general, two men can have a baby in a few different ways. They can adopt a baby, they can use a surrogate (a woman who carries the pregnancy and gives birth, and then the men adopt the baby when it’s born), or if one of the men in the couple is a transgender man who still has his uterus, he could get pregnant and carry the pregnancy/ have the baby.

There are all kinds of ways for people to build their families, no matter their sex or gender. If your dad is a person you trust, he’s likely telling you the truth. If you’re comfortable, you should ask him to talk with you about this.

 

Is sex fun?

Sex can be many things – including fun – depending on the situation.  If the people involved both truly want to do it, and they respect each other and can communicate with each other, then it can be really fun. But if one person is feeling pressured into doing it, then it can be a very negative or tense experience.

It’s important for a person to keep checking in with themselves—is this what I want? Am I feeling pressured to do something I don’t really want? Am I pressuring my partner? Being able to talk with your partner about what you like and don’t like – and to feel empowered to stop or change what’s happening at any point, will help ensure that sex is a positive experience. Before, during and after sex happens – it’s good for you and your partner to talk, talk and talk some more!

Although sex can be fun, it comes with responsibility. Having a plan for a birth control method that will protect you against pregnancy and STDs will also make sex more worry-free and therefore more enjoyable.

What does “zach” mean?

Besides being a guy’s name, urbandictionary.com has lots of different variations of this definition of “zach.”

“A hot guy that is always happy and has many friends that love him and would do any thing for him. he would give you the shirt off his back, or his hoodie if you are cold.”

Sounds like a “zach” would be a great person to have in your life!

What is a Bowen? I mean when kids do it they say, “Oh yeah, Bowen.”

According to urbandictionary.com, a “bowen” is a lot like a “zach” in that it’s a person who is super nice and a friend to everyone.

Is it legal for a 19 year old male to rent a hotel with a 16 year old female?

While it is not illegal for a 19 year old and 16 year old to be together, some hotels may have rules about allowing unrelated guests under the age of 18 to book a room together.

does it feel better to have sex with someone who is attractive? or does it not make a difference?

The attractiveness of the people involved is one of the least important aspects of satisfying sexual encounters. If the people involved truly want to do it and they respect each other and have good communication between them, they are more likely to have a positive experience.

Also, having a plan for a birth control method that will protect you against pregnancy and STDs will also make sex more worry-free and therefore more enjoyable.

if you are in a relationship with somebody then they say they have an STD, what should you do?

It can be quite a shock when someone you know and trust tells you something unexpected. You probably have mixed feelings, still wanting to be with your partner but feeling like they kept important information from you.

The good news is, this person cares enough about you and your relationship to tell you the truth about a difficult topic.

If you are in a sexual relationship, you ought to get tested for STDs. Getting tested with your partner can be a good way to rebuild trust in your relationship. And, of course, you’ll want to use a condom every time you have sex.

You can get confidential STDs testing at your local family planning clinic.

What should I do since by sister is pregnant and she is out on the streets?

It’s wonderful that you’re trying to help your sister. By “out on the streets” do you mean that your sister is homeless? If so, then you may want to give her information about resources to help people who need a place to live.

This list of shelters in Maine is very helpful. Your sister will qualify for different services, depending on her age.

You might also want to talk with your parents or a trusted adult; they may be able to give you support and advice that will be helpful to both you and your sister.

I’m gay and i like my teacher, so what should I do?

You raise a couple of issues in your question: sexual orientation and teacher fixation.

To have strong feelings for a person in a position of authority or trust is very common. Many people have at least one experience in their life of crushing on their teacher, physician, nurse, therapist, or other professional healer or helper. However, acting on these feelings in real life is another matter.

A teacher holds a position of trust with young people and it would be against the law for a teacher to undertake an intimate, personal relationship – not directly related to his/her work – with any young person under the age of 18.

Have you considered getting involved in social or academic groups, both in school and out of school? Such groups might allow you to meet people your age, with similar interests with whom you can develop relationships. Does your school have a Gay-Straight Alliance? If not, our LGBTQ resource page has listings for several youth groups in Maine.

why do black kids at my school like to say the n word?

Ask MaineTeenHealth is an anonymous service that answers questions about sex and health.  We’re not experts on race, but we think it’s a really important topic to think and talk about, so we encourage you to keep exploring the issue. 

There are some words that get “reclaimed” by groups of people who have been historically oppressed — these are words that were historically (or still are) used against a group of people who share an identity, but are now used WITHIN that group as a way of taking some of the pain out of that word.  The word “queer” is an example of a word that was (and sometimes still is) used as a slur against gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people, but that some members of the LGBTQ community have now adopted and use in a positive way.  It’s important to remember that not all black people feel the same way about “the n word,” just like not all gay people feel the same way about the word queer. It’s also important to understand that different words carry different meanings depending on whether or not the person using the word is a part of a certain group.

We weren’t able to find very many online resources for talking about race and culture, which makes it even more important that you and other people in your school have open, respectful conversations about these issues in your own community.

i am a white male and my mom doesn’t want me dating black girls at my school. What should I do?

We support everyone’s right to form healthy, respectful relationships with people of any race, gender, or other background.  If you are interested in dating someone that your mom doesn’t approve of, it might be a good idea to have a conversation with her to find out more about why she feels that way and to help her understand why you want to date a certain person.  It can be tough to have conversations with parents about your own personal relationships, but it can also be a way to learn more about why your parents feel that way they do.

why do people think that if you’re not rich and have what they have then you’re not cool? Why do looks matters?? Is it theer self-esteem or just their hormonones? Why do they think it’s ok to tease them because they don’t have what they have?

A lot of this has to do with the media and popular culture telling us that physical attractiveness and having a lot of material possessions are important, will make us happier, and makes a person cooler and more interesting.  Because we’re surrounded with these messages all the time, sometimes not fitting into that “ideal” image really can have an effect on someone’s self-esteem.  One way to start to push against this is to recognize the messages you are getting from TV, movies, videos, music, magazines, and advertising– once you are better able to see what the media is trying to sell you, you’ll get better at deciding whether those things really matter, and whether they will really make your life better. 

 As for why people think it’s okay to tease other people– well, here at maineteenhealth.org, we’re experts in sexual health, so we don’t know the answer to that question.  What we DO know is that it’s never okay to bully, tease, or otherwise pick on other people. So if you see someone bullying others, it’s okay to speak up to that person or to an adult you trust to get involved.  No matter what celebrities, our friends, or the media say, it’s never okay to treat someone differently because of the way they look or the things they have or don’t have.

Why do guys seem so rough during sex? isn’t it suppose to be a love thing?

First, and most importantly, if any sexual activity is ever too rough, aggressive, or otherwise uncomfortable for either partner, it’s okay to stop, slow down, or change things up. A person never needs to continue with something that doesn’t feel good or right for them just because they said yes initially or because they are in love. For sex to be consensual, both partners must agree to engage in that sexual activity, and should also continue to check in and give consent as they go.

It’s important to know that what feels good physically might not always match up with what we’d expect based on emotions. A person can have very tender, loving feelings towards another person, but still enjoy sexual activity that is very vigorous, fast, or “rough.” On the same note, people who don’t have strong feelings towards each other can have gentle, slow, or “romantic” sex. There are all kinds of physical sensations that feel good, and all kinds of emotions that we experience towards partners—and there is no “normal” or right way for those feelings to fit together.

That said, any people engaging in sexual activities together – whether they are in love or not—should talk to each other about what they want and expect, what feels good and what doesn’t, and what they are willing to do, and what they do not consent to. Being “rough” during sex is okay if the other partner also enjoys it—but otherwise, it’s okay to ask for something different!

Why are people attracted to the same sex? I have nothing against it because it is free will of being you and you were just born to like the same sex, but why?

No one really knows why some people are gay, straight, or bisexual.

We do know that sexual orientation, attraction, and romantic feelings towards other people have to do with much more than body parts, and isn’t even all about sex or intercourse. Some people know from a very early age whether they are gay, straight, or bisexual, and other people need more time to figure things out. There is no right or wrong sexual orientation, and people of any orientation deserve healthy, safe, and loving relationships.

What is my sexualities if I am emotionally and sexually attracted to my partner(of the same sex) but only her, no one else? Basically if you are attracted to one person only. Thank you 🙂

We’re not sure if there’s a word or sexual orientation that describes being attracted to only one person—but one of the great things about your own sexual orientation and your own identity is that YOU get to choose what word works best for you!

Sexual orientation is complex and not necessarily black and white. Some people know from an early age that they are gay, straight, or bisexual. Others learn about their orientation over time, and still other find that their identity changes over time. The important thing is that you stay true to your feelings and don’t pressure yourself to fit into a certain orientation or identity. Be patient and accept yourself no matter how you identify.

I’m horny all the time lately but yet I don’t have a partner.

We’re not sure what your question is, but you should know that it’s totally normal to feel that way!

Masturbation or self-touching for pleasure is something many people do.  It’s a safe, healthy way to be sexual with no risk of STDs or pregnancy, since you’re the only person involved. Masturbation can be a good way to figure out what kind of touch you like and don’t like, helps you get comfortable with your own body, and can be a source of pleasure when you don’t have partner (or even when you do!).

It’s also important that you’re clear with yourself and with any future partners about what you’re looking for in a relationship. From your message, it seems like you expect sexual activity to be a part of your future relationships. That is completely fine and normal, but you’ll want to communicate with your future partners to make sure that you are both on the same page in terms of what you want out of a relationship.

I’m a 17 year old young lady in my senior year in HS. I have a total aversion to sex, no interest whatsoever. I think guys are cute, but I’m not sexually attracted to them. I’m not attracted to women either. My first kiss took me forever just to calm myself enough to even get near my own boyfriend for the kiss. Right before it happened, I tried to back out again and one of my girl friends saw, and pushed me towards my boyfriend. I have not kissed anyone since. That was freshman year when I was 15. I don’t even feel the urge to have anything to do with sex-related things: watching porn (I know kids who do watch), masturbating, kissing, oral, anal, full on intercourse. I just find it to be nothing I’ll ever need to be a part of in life. Is this normal for a girl my age, who’s gone through puberty and has chaotic hormones?

You’re totally normal. Puberty can be a “chaotic” time for our bodies, hormones, and for our social and romantic relationships, and everyone experiences their teen years differently. During puberty (and adulthood), some people will have TONS of thoughts about sex and relationships, while others may not experience these thoughts at all. It’s probably most common for people to fall somewhere in the middle.

It’s normal for different people to have different levels of interest in sex, and it’s also normal for that to change within a person’s lifetime. Your interest in sex may change as you get older, but if it doesn’t, that’s okay, too.

Asexuality may be something you want to read more about. Asexuality is a sexual orientation in which a person doesn’t feel sexual attraction or the desire to engage in sexual activity– though they may still have romantic relationships with others. The Asexuality Visibility & Education Network has a lot of good information on asexuality. This article from Scarleteen can also be helpful for anyone trying to figure out their sexual orientation or identity.

However you end up identifying, it’s important that you know your boundaries and what’s right for you. You’ve already experienced what it’s like to be pressured by a friend to do something you don’t want to do–and that’s not okay. No matter what your level of interest in sex might be, it’s important that you freely and enthusiastically consent to any sexual activity.

Why do I have sexual feelings for people who don’t exist? Like on anime?

It’s normal for people to have fantasies, and that might mean that you’re attracted to people or characters you may never see in real life. We don’t really know why we have the sexual feelings we have, but it’s important to know that there’s no shame in having them.

It’s also important to recognize that your attraction to anime characters (or other people who don’t exist) is different from your attraction to people in your real life. You’ll want to figure out which “real life” people you’re attracted to, as well, so that you can get to know others and enjoy relationships with them. 

It’s totally natural to have private fantasies AND real life attractions– it’s just important to know the difference between the two and not to expect the people in your life to be the same as the characters in your fantasies.

but why do boys want to have sex at 13-14?

Sexuality is a natural, normal part of being alive, and people will start to feel interested in sex at different ages– that’s true for both boys and girls. For some people, that might be 13 or 14. For others, it might be much later (or never, for asexual people).

It’s important to know the difference between wanting to have sex and actually being READY for sex. Before deciding to be sexually active, it’s important to know all about STDs (and how to protect yourself), birth control, and communication & consent.

What is the legal age for dating?

There is no legal age for dating; the right time is when you (and your date) feel ready.

There are laws about the legal age at which a person can consent to sex (which is definitely different than dating!), but that age will depend on the type of sexual activity and the ages of both partners.

i really like this guy — how do i know if he likes me too?

The only sure-fire way to know if your crush likes you is to ask him! Try talking to him directly– don’t send a friend or rely on gossip. If you’re shy about talking to him in person, you could try texting or emailing.

It’s hard to put yourself out there, so if you’re not ready to come right out and ask if he likes you, you could ask if he wants to hang out sometime. Get to know each other better, and if you enjoy hanging out, then you could BOTH communicate about how you feel about each other.

 

how do u kiss?

first, you make sure that the other person wants to kiss you. then, the two of you try it out and see what you like! be open to suggestions and don’t be afraid to tell the other person what you like. everyone kisses differently and everyone likes different things.

How do you know if you have a really great relationship with someone and you want to start a family with them?

Only you can decide if you’re in the right relationship– there’s no perfect checklist or magic test. There are a few really important things to consider before committing to a relationship or starting a family with someone.

  • Does that person respect you and your boundaries? Do they make you feel safe, comfortable, and free from force or violence? Does the person support and value you for who you are and allow you space to pursue your hobbies and hang out with friends and family? Great relationships will include these things.
  • Does the person ever pressure you to have sex, drink, use drugs, or do anything else that you don’t want to do? Does the person try to control who you hang out with, what you wear, or what kinds of things you do? This kind of pressure and control should never happen in a healthy relationship.

Starting a family with someone is a really big deal. In addition to making sure your relationship feels healthy, safe, and stable, you’ll also want to ask yourselves:

  • Do we both want a family together? If so, when? It’s completely possible to plan your family, whether you want to start in 1 year or 10! This is something that a provider at Maine Family Planning can help with.
  • Are we financially capable of starting a family? Do we have the food, shelter, and other resources we need to be safe and healthy? Where can we find support along the way?
  • What are our values and hopes for our (future) family? It’s best to figure these things out ahead of time so that you know that you and your partner want the same things and will both commit to the family you chose.

These are huge questions, and many people spend years figuring this out. It’s important to have open communication within your relationship so that you can continue to grow and change together– you don’t have to figure this all out at one time, but it’s good to start talking about it now and continue talking about it in the future.

 

 

Why do health teachers and other people make sex seem like a scary thing? I mean it’s how babies are made,so why is it such a bad thing?

Sex isn’t a bad thing (as long as it’s consensual) and it doesn’t have to be scary. Some of the consequences of sex can be “scary” or undesirable, and there’s a chance that teachers and other adults are trying to protect you from those consequences by emphasizing them.

Sex can result in sexually transmitted diseases/ infections (STDs), pregnancy, and a whole bunch of emotions. Some of those emotions are great, and sometimes people WANT to get pregnant. If people want to avoid STDs and/or pregnancy but still want to have sex, there are many different forms of birth control available (to prevent pregnancy), and using condoms can greatly reduce the risk of STDs.

As for the emotional risks involved in sex, there’s no magic pill or condom for that– and there will be emotions involved in any relationship, whether or not sex is involved. Waiting until you and your partner are both ready before having sex (and both consent), communicating about what you do (and don’t) want, and being honest with each other are all important aspects for a healthy relationship.

If you and your partner are able to have honest and open communication, are protecting yourselves from pregnancy (until you’re ready to have kids), and protecting yourselves from STDs, sex doesn’t have to be scary at all.

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